frequently asked questions
Freein13 is a face-to-face coaching program that recruits the help of a self/family-appointed Mentor. The Mentor, with the help of their Mentor Manual, guides the participant through 13 weeks of lessons to help them break free from the trap of pornography. Manuals for Parents and Adult Participants are also available. Participants of any age should use a Freein13 journal.
We suggest meeting with a leader of a local organization who might be, or suggest, an appropriate Mentor. Here are some suggestions of such organizations:
Church
Synagogue
Temple
Support Group
Community Center
Fraternal Organization
YWCA
Service Organization
Social Club
We suggest meeting with a leader of a local organization who might be, or suggest, an appropriate Mentor. Here are some suggestions of such organizations:
Church
Synagogue
Temple
Support Group
Community Center
Fraternal Organization
YWCA
Service Organization
Social Club
Freein13 works for children in 2 ways. (1) By providing a Parent Manual that helps parents gain an understanding of the problem and solution. (2) The family then selects a suitable accountability mentor for the child. The mentor then meets weekly (or more often if needed) to guide the child through the weekly exercises, holds them accountable, and teaches them the behavioral and emotional skills to escape the trap, and to remain free.
The child must be willing and not forced to do the program.
Yes. However, we strongly recommend using a mentor to support and provide weekly accountability. We recognize that it may be difficult or awkward for some adults to select and trust a mentor. We offer a word of caution regarding this issue; Do not let your pride or potential lack of humility be the sole reason you choose to not engage a mentor.
Yes. However, we strongly recommend using a mentor to support and provide weekly accountability. We recognize that it may be difficult or awkward for some adults to select and trust a mentor. We offer a word of caution regarding this issue; Do not let your pride or potential lack of humility be the sole reason you choose to not engage a mentor.
You will need the mentor manual and the journal. You will need to read through the mentor part and the general information, answer all questions, journal, and track your progress.
Freein13 works by: (1) providing an instructional Manual to gain an understanding of the root problem and its solution. (2) By guiding the participant to selecting a suitable accountability mentor. They then meet with the mentor weekly (or more often if needed). During the meeting they will review the past week, performance on assignments, and key behavioral indicators. The new lesson material will be presented and assignments made. This will assure the participant gains and practices the behavioral and emotional skills to remain free. The participant must be willing and not forced to do the program.
You will need the mentor manual and the journal. You will need to read through the mentor part and the general information, answer all questions, journal, and track your progress.
If your child is viewing pornography:
• Parent’s Manual for the parent
• Mentor Manual for their chosen Mentor
• Participant Journal for the adolescent
If I am viewing pornography:
• Adult Manual for you
• Mentor Manual for your chosen Mentor
• Participant Journal for you
If I am Mentoring an Adolescent:
• Mentor Manual for you
• Participant Journal for the adolescent
If I am Mentoring an Adult:
• Mentor Manual for you
• Adult Manual for the participant
• Participant Journal for the participant
Manuals and the participant journal may be purchased separately, or as a kit, which is a 20% saving of buying them separately.
Freein13 is different from other programs because it is a real time, off-screen coaching program. It requires the participant to engage with written material, journaling, and weekly accountability with a mentor.
The amount of time you will take may vary from one experience to the next. Generally speaking the first 3 or 4 meetings may take up to an hour each visit. It has been our experience that anything much beyond an hour tends to be less productive.
Accountability is key! One of the most difficult parts of the trap is the shame and reluctance of the participant to fully share their history and situation with those close to them. Also, most people are not able to do everything necessary to free themselves alone. Being able to confide in a trusted mentor who will provide emotional support, guidance, and accountability has been shown to be a most effective way to help people escape the trap.
No. As you progress through the program with your participant it will become obvious that the amount of time spent can and will decrease. In fact, the last 4 lessons or so can often be as short as 15 to 20 minutes.
We strongly recommend that you prepare by reading each lesson and review the instructions provided to the mentor.
No. Freein13 does not use any form of group therapy or meeting. 12 Step Addiction recovery programs are for those who have been diagnosed with an addiction by a medical or counseling professional and directed to the program as a part of their therapy regime.
Yes. Outcomes may vary from one individual to the next. But, generally speaking, once an individual starts in earnest, it is possible to be free from the habit of viewing pornography in 13 weeks. Individuals who experience successful outcomes will have regained the ability physically, emotionally, and spiritually to continue to be free.
You may submit your questions to mentor@freein13.com. Please be as detailed as possible when asking a question.
No, it is not required that you should have to acquire additional information. Everything you will need to be successful is in the Mentor Manual and or is online. You may find additional information on the website.
Yes; however, while the program does work for those married or in relationships, generally the difficulties caused by pornography use in the relationship necessitates professional help for both the participant and his/her partner.
This is a faith friendly program. As such we highly recommend beginning with a prayer. Ask your participant if they are comfortable offering prayer, if they are then ask them to do so. Follow the suggestion is the manual to encourage your participant to be at ease with you. For safety sake, it is recommended that you do not sit side-by-side or on the same seating surface. Make sure you have distance between you and your participant.
Once an individual has stopped viewing pornography and acting out sexually, the body requires 13 weeks to return to homeostasis (normal levels of neurochemicals and hormones).
The definition of pornography addiction is not universally recognized among mental health professionals. While the APA (American Psychiatric Association) reports that pornography use does not fit standard addiction models, the ASAM (American Society of Addiction Medicine) does. However, even in their acceptance of a “pornography addiction” they have created a broader term, compulsive sexual behavior disorder as the diagnosis, not pornography addiction per se.
The large majority of individuals who view pornography are not addicted. The use of pornography whether it is occasional, frequent, or intensive does not satisfy the requirements of addiction models. Even intensive users, according to the APA, are not in the same category as those with drug and alcohol problems. There is considerable debate within the medical community whether pornography addiction is a real diagnosis.
You should ask your participant if that will be acceptable to them. Will they be able to speak freely with a parent in the room? If so, then invite the parent into the meeting. In some cases, a parent may demand to be in the meeting. Never deny a parent access to the meetings or to their child.
No. The process requires effort and can be difficult. However, mentors provide an invaluable resource through accountability and guidance to achieve a successful outcome. The participant may experience some challenges especially in the early stages of the program. However, once the participant begins in earnest, establishing the last time they use pornography, they will be on their way to completing the 13 weeks required for homeostasis.
Those who are trapped are somewhere on the spectrum of use from inadvertent to excessive. Freein13’s core belief is that the great majority of those who view pornography are not addicted. While the majority of users are somewhere on this spectrum there are those who may exhibit compulsive sexual behavior. These individuals should seek professional counseling.
No.The Freein13 program is purposely presented in printed format, with the objective of diminishing the time spent using screens. Face-to-face interaction with a Mentor and the act of physically writing are important components of the program. Scientific literature confirms that the act of writing, not typing enables the individual to learn better and increases focus.
For many, the growing dependence on electronic devices to access the internet for immediate answers, entertainment, and social engagement is a part of the problem. This ease of access, to a seemingly unending source of images and videos facilitates entrapment. Ironically, most self-help programs addressing pornography use depend on technology and encourage more screen time in the virtual world. Freein13 purposely chooses the benefits of connecting the participant to the “real” world through printed media, reading, and writing.
Discuss this with the parent, in the case of a minor, or with the participant if they are not a minor regarding location. Do not meet with a participant, minor or otherwise, without the knowledge of the parent or alone at any location.
No. Freein13 is a mentoring/coaching program. It is not meant to replace professional therapy/counseling. As stated in the manual “It is very important to uncover past emotional traumas and hidden episodes of abuse so the victim may have success in getting out of the trap. In the case of an individual who may report a history of being a victim of abuse, sexual or otherwise, it is important to properly address this very serious problem. It may also be a good idea to consider adding professional counseling with a trusted psychologist or therapist to work through these more complicated issues.
You, the participant, and a parent in the case of a minor. If the participant is an adult, ask the participant to either meet at location that is public or have them bring a support person with them.
The Freein13 fingerprint logo represents the uniqueness of each participant and the predictable patterns of pornography use. As unique and individual each participant may be, they all share predictable patterns; no one is special. Fingerprints are patterns of skin ridges that are markers of human individuality. And despite the fact that everyone has them, no two people are identical.
Yes. Freein13 is a mentoring/coaching program. It is not meant to replace professional therapy/counseling. As stated in the manual “It is very important to uncover past emotional traumas and hidden episodes of abuse so the victim may have success in getting out of the trap. In the case of an individual who may report a history of being a victim of abuse, sexual or otherwise, it is important to properly address this very serious problem. It may also be a good idea to consider adding professional counseling with a trusted psychologist or therapist to work through these more complicated issues.
If your child is viewing pronography:
• Parent’s Manual for the parent
• Mentor Manual for their chosen Mentor
• Participant Journal for the adolescent
If I am viewing pornography:
• Adult Manual for you
• Mentor Manual for your chosen Mentor
• Participant Journal for you
If I am Mentoring an Adolescent:
• Mentor Manual for you
• Participant Journal for the adolescent
If I am Mentoring an Adult:
• Mentor Manual for you
• Adult Manual for the participant
• Participant Journal for the participant
Manuals and the participant journal may be purchased separately, or as a kit, which is a 20% saving of buying them separately.
Yes, a mentor should have someone nearby, in the next room or adjacent to wherever you may be visiting with a participant.
In the case of a child contact the parent to verify the time and location. For an adult, call them directly. Sometimes it maybe a simple misunderstanding and other times it may be more complicated than that. Seek to resolve the conflict and reset their appointment.
Some may want to continue to use the Freein13 journal after completion of the program. Freein13 journals are available for individual sale through the website.
Contact the parent, without disclosing the details of what the participant revealed, and recommend to the parent professional counseling, and stop visiting with that individual. Document what you heard and keep that as a record for your protection. Politely decline any further involvement.
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In the case of a known mental health disorder, consult with the parents first. Ask them to get guidance from their health care provider before proceeding. Should it, somehow, become evident through unconventional behavior exhibited by the participant that a possible mental health condition may exist, consult with the parent before proceeding.
This may happen, especially during the first two stages. Be patient with them. Do not condone their behavior, recognize it for what it is, and try to discover with the participant the precipitating factors such as not recognizing arousal cues, pride, lack of self-compassion etc.
13 weeks is the optimal goal, however, each participant is unique. Some cruise through the 13 weeks without a hitch while others may take two or three cycles to fully escape. Much of this depends on how long they have been involved and how much pornography they have been consuming.