Freein13 is a mentoring program, not therapy or counseling. A mentor, in no way should consider him/herself as a therapist or counselor unless they are trained and licensed.
HOW do i choose a mentor for my child?
Helping your child choose a non-judgemental Mentor is critical in helping them succeed.
When thinking of a possible Mentor for your child, consider the following:
Do they care about your child?
Are they willing to devote the time?
Are they willing the skills necessary to be a successful mentor
When looking at the diagram above, notice your role as a parent is to love and encourage your child. Your child is a good person, they are not broken. They are trapped in a pattern of behavior they want to change. They need a loving parent that will allow them to work with their Mentor to free themselves.
I've been asked to be a mentor.
"ONE OF THE GREATEST VALUES OF MENTORS IS THE ABILITY TO SEE AHEAD WHAT OTHERS CANNOT SEE AND TO HELP THEM NAVIGATE A COURSE TO THEIR DESTINATION."
- John C. Maxwell
When looking at the diagram above, notice your role as a mentor is to provide support and accountability. The participant is not broken, but rather trapped in a pattern of behavior that is detrimental to their happiness. They need a mentor they can trust and be held accountable to. They will share things with you they may not share with anyone else. Honor this relationship and it will change you for the better.
Your first step is to read your Mentor Manual. Your Mentor Manual will supply you with the information you need for both of you to be successful. We've also provided an FAQ at the bottom of this page.
If you have additional questions not found in the FAQ, please reach out to us at email@example.com.
DOES FREEIN13 HAVE AN APP? NO.
For many, the growing dependence on electronic devices to access the internet for immediate answers, entertainment, and social engagement is a part of the problem. This ease of access, to a seemingly unending source of images and videos facilitates entrapment. Ironically, most self-help programs addressing pornography use depend on technology and encourage more screen time in the virtual world. Freein13 purposely chooses the benefits of connecting the participant to the “real” world through printed media, reading, and writing.
How much time per week will this take?
The amount of time you will take may vary from one experience to the next. Generally speaking the first 3 or 4 meetings may take up to an hour each visit. It has been our experience that anything much beyond an hour tends to be less productive.
Will each time take an hour?
No. As you progress through the program with your participant it will become obvious that the amount of time spent can and will decrease. In fact, the last 4 lessons or so can often be as short as 15 to 20 minutes.
What do I need to do to be prepared?
We strongly recommend that you prepare by reading each lesson and review the instructions provided to the mentor.
What if I have questions?
You may submit your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please be as detailed as possible when asking a question.
Do or will I need any additional information?
No, it is not required that you should have to acquire additional information. Everything you will need to be successful is in the Mentor Manual and or is online. You may find additional information on the website.
How do I start the meeting?
This is a faith friendly program. As such we highly recommend beginning with a prayer. Ask your participant if they are comfortable offering prayer, if they are then ask them to do so. Follow the suggestion is the manual to encourage your participant to be at ease with you. For safety sake, it is recommended that you do not sit side-by-side or on the same seating surface. Make sure you have distance between you and your participant.
Should I have the parent in the meeting?
You should ask your participant if that will be acceptable to them. Will they be able to speak freely with a parent in the room? If so, then invite the parent into the meeting. In some cases, a parent may demand to be in the meeting. Never deny a parent access to the meetings or to their child.
Where should I meet with the participant?
Discuss this with the parent, in the case of a minor, or with the participant if they are not a minor regarding location. Do not meet with a participant, minor or otherwise, without the knowledge of the parent or alone at any location.
Who should be at the meeting?
You, the participant, and a parent in the case of a minor. If the participant is an adult, ask the participant to either meet at location that is public or have them bring a support person with them.
Should the mentor have support?
Yes, a mentor should have someone nearby, in the next room or adjacent to wherever you may be visiting with a participant.
What do I do if the participant doesn’t show up for their appointment?
In the case of a child contact the parent to verify the time and location. For an adult, call them directly. Sometimes it maybe a simple misunderstanding and other times it may be more complicated than that. Seek to resolve the conflict and reset their appointment.
What if a child participant reveals a history of abuse or other potentially harmful environments?
Contact the parent, without disclosing the details of what the participant revealed, and recommend to the parent professional counseling, and stop visiting with that individual. Document what you heard and keep that as a record for your protection. Politely decline any further involvement.
What if the participant has a mental health issue?
In the case of a known mental health disorder, consult with the parents first. Ask them to get guidance from their health care provider before proceeding. Should it, somehow, become evident through unconventional behavior exhibited by the participant that a possible mental health condition may exist, consult with the parent before proceeding.
What if the participant takes longer than 30 days before advancing from one stage to the next?
This may happen, especially during the first two stages. Be patient with them. Do not condone their behavior, recognize it for what it is, and try to discover with the participant the precipitating factors such as not recognizing arousal cues, pride, lack of self-compassion etc.
What if the participant takes longer than 13 weeks?
13 weeks is the optimal goal, however, each participant is unique. Some cruise through the 13 weeks without a hitch while others may take two or three cycles to fully escape. Much of this depends on how long they have been involved and how much pornography they have been consuming.
Do I need a Mentor?
Can I do this program without a mentor?
Yes. However, we strongly recommend using a mentor to support and provide weekly accountability. We recognize that it may be difficult or awkward for some adults to select and trust a mentor. We offer a word of caution regarding this issue; Do not let your pride or potential lack of humility be the sole reason you choose to not engage a mentor.
What do I need if I do this on my own?
You will need the mentor manual and the journal. You will need to read through the mentor part and the general information, answer all questions, journal, and track your progress.
What if I can't find a Mentor?
We suggest meeting with a leader of a local organization who might be, or suggest, an appropriate Mentor. Here are some suggestions of such organizations: